


Changes

by Blackghost7



Category: NCIS
Genre: First Time, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 15:12:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3900886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackghost7/pseuds/Blackghost7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony left a befuddled Gibbs sitting at his kitchen table, and went home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Changes

“Hey Gibbs.”  
   
“DiNozzo.”  
   
“You ready?”  
   
“Yeah.”  
   
They ascended the stairs to Gibbs’ bedroom. Once there, Gibbs slowly undressed Tony, latching his lips to every inch of skin of the younger man he uncovered, nipping and sucking to his heart’s delight. While Gibbs feasted on his body, Tony ran his hands slowly through Gibbs’ hair, over his neck and his shoulders, stroking the older man gently as Gibbs sank to his knees in front of Tony and nuzzled at his arousal. When Tony was completely naked and Gibbs still fully dressed, Gibbs took Tony into his mouth and used his hands and tongue to pleasure Tony the way he knew by now worked best on him. Gibbs loved the soft moans that Tony gave with every move of Gibbs’ tongue and fingers, and the feeling of Tony’s fingers caressing him while he worked his arousal.  
   
When he felt Tony was ready, Gibbs released him and Tony breathed deeply while he settled on the edge of the bed, watching Gibbs quickly strip off his clothing. Gibbs was very aroused as well, and Tony took in the still impressively hard and muscular body, covered in delightful silver hair that he would run his fingers through later. Once Gibbs had stripped, he walked to the nightstand and got the supplies they needed, dropping the condom on the bed next to Tony and keeping the lube in his own hand. He sank down between Tony’s spread legs again, nuzzling and licking Tony softly while he used his fingers to lube himself up. He didn’t need much preparation, didn’t want it, needed to feel the stretch and burn that would come when Tony forced him open. Tony watched his every move, Tony’s hands on the duvet on either side of him as he leaned back and let Gibbs do the work. When Gibbs was ready, he grabbed the condom and opened the packet, rolling it onto Tony gently.  
   
Tony got up and Gibbs crawled onto the bed, positioning himself on his hands and knees, and felt the mattress dip when Tony got into position behind him. Tony entered him slowly, and there it was, the delightful stretch as Tony pressed into him, forced the muscles open to let Tony inside, Gibbs’ breath hitching when the head of Tony’s dick penetrated the tight ring and popped into him, then the heated burn of Tony’s length sliding into him, filling him up completely. Gibbs groaned with delight at the sensations, needing the feeling of being filled and stretched, Tony’s strong body covering him, Tony’s grip tight on his hips. When Tony was fully inside of him, the younger man leaned over him and nipped at the crook of Gibbs’ neck, then whispered softly against his skin.  
   
“Ready?”  
   
“Please…”  
   
Then the movement started, Tony pulling back his hips and slamming them forward again, Gibbs bucking and pushing back, trying to get as much of Tony inside of him as he could. Tony’s strokes were fast and hard, but controlled, and Gibbs knew from experience that he could keep them that way for a long time, long enough to turn Gibbs into a begging puddle of need. Tony held him tightly, controlling both their movements, riding Gibbs hard, and it didn’t take long before Gibbs felt the warm flush of satisfaction spreading through his chest, his entire body. This was what he craved, Tony’s hard length thrusting into him deeply, spreading him open, and a growl of pleasure escaped his throat.  
   
Above Gibbs, Tony grinned. The groan was the first sign that Gibbs was on his way to losing it, and it had come even sooner than Tony had expected. His lover must have been more desperate for this than Tony had realized. He tightened his grip on Gibbs’ hips even more and pulled him back against his own, concentrating on his rhythm and his breathing, steeling himself and his resolve. He was going to make Gibbs beg a lot tonight before he finally let him get his release.  
   
Tony was driving him crazy, carefully avoiding hitting his prostrate, knowing that Gibbs wanted and needed it long and hard, but just the feeling of Tony slamming into him over and over again was taking him to the edge quicker than he liked. He was hard and leaking, but Gibbs knew better than to reach down and stroke himself. This was Tony’s show, even if it was about Gibbs’ need, and it had been silently agreed when they started this that Tony was in charge. Gibbs had learned that lesson the hard way the second time this had happened, when he had touched himself and Tony had abruptly pulled out of him, refusing to finish since Gibbs had disobeyed him. He would not make that mistake again. He did the one thing that he could do. He begged.  
   
Smiling when the words started pouring from Gibbs’ throat, Tony rewarded his lover with a quick sharp thrust against his prostate, but then returned to his previous angle, avoiding the sensitive nub again. To keep his control, Tony tried to count the number of words that Gibbs pleaded with, wanting to force more words out of Gibbs than the man had ever uttered before. Despite his careful angle, he felt Gibbs start to tighten and draw near to his release, so he moved one hand down and grasped the base of Gibbs’ arousal tightly and stopped moving.  
   
“Fuck! Tony, please, please…”  
   
“Uh uh, not yet.”  
   
A deep groan of disappointment and despair was followed by more begging, but Tony remained still until he felt Gibbs relax a little. Then he slowly drew back, angled himself carefully, and slammed back in, drawing a keening moan from Gibbs, making the older man shudder under him in pleasure. Tony continued this for more long minutes, and only when he was satisfied that Gibbs had begged enough and his own control was fading, did he relent. Releasing his tight hold on Gibbs’ arousal and stroking it instead, Tony now hit his prostate on every thrust until Gibbs shuddered and came all over his fingers. Tony needed only a few more snaps of his hips before he spilled himself into his lover and they both collapsed.  
   
After taking a few minutes to calm his breathing, Tony pulled out of Gibbs carefully and discarded the condom, then went to the bathroom and cleaned himself up a little. When he returned to the bedroom, Gibbs was lying on his back, eyes closed and still breathing heavily, and Tony just stared at him a few moments. Then he walked back to the bed and crawled under the duvet, tugging it around himself, sighed deeply and wished Gibbs goodnight, falling asleep almost immediately.  
   
Gibbs’ eyes opened when he felt the mattress dip again as Tony settled himself under the duvet. He turned his head and looked at Tony to assure himself that he was not imagining it. He wasn’t. Tony was really there, rolling onto his side, wishing Gibbs goodnight and falling asleep. That was different. Tony had never done that before. Normally, Tony returned from the bathroom, got dressed and left. They never spent the night together. Despite the heavy feeling of the satisfaction of release that had settled in his limbs, Gibbs’ mind kept him awake while he looked at Tony sleeping beside him, and he let his thoughts wander back.  
   
~~~~~  
   
They had been in the basement and Gibbs had been restless, feeling a need he hadn’t felt for a long time, something that had been building inside of him for weeks now. Tony had noticed the tension in his shoulders and the uneasiness in Gibbs, and after a while, had just thrown the question out there.  
   
“What’s bothering you, Gibbs?”  
   
“Nothing.”  
   
“Right. Then why are you so tense?”  
   
“I’m not.”  
   
Tony snorted.  
   
“Come on. You can tell me. What do you need? Some hot milk? A foot rub? Hot bath? A nice massage?”  
   
Tony chuckled as he listed the possibilities, and Gibbs snorted back at him, then the words slipped out before he could stop them.  
   
“What I need is a good, long, hard fuck.”  
   
In the silence that followed that statement, it registered with Gibbs what he had said. He closed his eyes and rubbed his hands over his face, refusing to turn around and face Tony, cursing himself. Gibbs was shocked when Tony spoke again.  
   
“Giving or receiving?”  
   
Breathing quietly a few times, Gibbs tried to calm his mind.  
   
“What?”  
   
“Giving or receiving? Or does it have to be a woman?”  
   
Now Gibbs did turn around, and carefully looked at Tony. He saw curiosity on Tony’s face, and something else that he couldn’t quite place.  
   
“Why?”  
   
He saw Tony breathe deeply a few times as well, his pupils dilating. Tony’s voice was soft and husky.  
   
“I could do with one myself. If you want.”  
   
They stared at each other for long moments, then Gibbs cleared his throat.  
   
“Receiving. You okay with that?”  
   
“Either way is fine with me.”  
   
They stared at each other some more, trying to process what they were doing, trying to read each other. Then Gibbs had gotten up and walked up the stairs, looking back at Tony in invitation when he reached the top. Without a further word, Tony followed Gibbs upstairs to the bedroom.  
   
~~~~~  
   
That first time had been much like tonight, in fact it had been much like every time they had done this. It didn’t happen often, usually months went by before it happened again. Gibbs would feel the need build in himself, and somehow Tony always knew. On nights like this, there was no talk, no chatter, just a silent trip upstairs to the bedroom and then Tony would soothe Gibbs’ need. A few times, Gibbs had taken Tony instead of the other way around, and they both enjoyed that too, but usually it was Tony in charge. They didn’t kiss, they didn’t hug, and they certainly didn’t cuddle afterwards. When it was done, Tony left. It was about need, pure and simple.  
   
So what was Tony still doing here now, sleeping peacefully in Gibbs’ bed?  
   
~~~~~  
   
When Tony woke up, the soft light coming around the curtains told him that the sun was just rising. Listening carefully for a moment, he heard from the quiet and even breathing behind him that Gibbs was still asleep, and he gently turned over so he could look at his lover. Tony let his eyes rake over Gibbs’ relaxed face in the emerging light, and a small smile appeared on his lips. He wanted to reach out and touch, but held himself back. Not yet, not yet. While he continued to look at Gibbs, he thought back to last night.  
   
The sex had been fantastic as usual, but Tony wanted more, needed more. He had held back long enough now, and the time had come to get what he really wanted. So after he had cleaned himself up, he had crawled back into bed with Gibbs as if that was what he always did, and had gone to sleep, the sated feeling of his orgasm helping him doze off almost immediately.  
   
Tony had already recognized his feelings for Gibbs for what they truly were a while before that first night in the basement. When Gibbs had stated that he needed a fuck, Tony had been shocked at first, then spotted the opportunity and seized it. As if it were normal for them to be speaking about things like this, he had tried to sound casual when he asked Gibbs whether he wanted to give or receive, and he held his breath while he waited for Gibbs’ reaction. It had been the start of a strange new part of their relationship, something they never talked about again, something that only happened every couple of months. Tony had recognized immediately what it was to Gibbs, a need that had to be fulfilled, and he didn’t fool himself into thinking that it was anything more to the older man. So Tony had set the rules, in part because it was what Gibbs needed, but in part also to remind himself that this was not about love. That meant no kissing, no emotions, just physical satisfaction. And for the past few years, ever since it had started, Tony had been fine with that, had let their sparse encounters fulfill his own need for Gibbs.  
   
But now he wanted more, wanted everything, the whole package, a real relationship with Gibbs. He had decided that he would take the first steps in that direction the next time they did this, and had been looking for the signs for a while already. It had been months since they had last done this, and he knew Gibbs hadn’t been seeing anyone for a long time, and neither had Tony, so he knew that it was bound to happen sooner rather than later. So when he started seeing the signs in Gibbs, he could barely contain his excitement, waiting impatiently. Gibbs was always the one who gave the signal, it was his need after all, and Tony breathed a sigh of relief when yesterday afternoon as they were leaving, Gibbs finally broke.  
   
“Tonight, Tony?”  
   
“Sure, Gibbs.”  
   
That was all that needed to be said, and Tony had rushed home with a smile on his face, showering and changing quickly, then driving over to Gibbs’ place. Just like always, there was no preamble, Tony just went down to the basement to let Gibbs know he had arrived, and then they went upstairs. But this time, afterwards, Tony stayed.  
   
So now here he was, waking up on a Saturday morning next to his lover for the first time, and he felt happiness bubbling in his chest. He didn’t know how Gibbs would respond, but the fact that the older man hadn’t kicked him out last night gave him hope. Now it was time for the next step.  
   
Tony carefully scooted closer to Gibbs’ sleeping form, raising himself up on his elbows and then leaned over to press his lips against Gibbs’, pleased when in his sleep his lover started responding to his kiss. A few seconds later, Tony saw Gibbs’ eyes open and he continued the kiss gently but deliberately. Gibbs just looked at him for a few moments, and when Tony slid his hand over Gibbs’ bare chest, running his fingers through the silver hair while he kept softly kissing, Gibbs brought up his hand and placed it on the back of Tony’s neck, drawing him closer. It was Gibbs who deepened the kiss, opening his mouth and requesting entrance to Tony’s, and Tony eagerly opened up to let Gibbs in. Their tongues met for the first time, and Tony was jubilant at the feeling. This was what he wanted, what he had been missing all this time.  
   
In a quick move, Gibbs suddenly rolled them over so he was on top of Tony, and invaded Tony’s mouth again with his tongue, devouring him as if he wanted to drown in Tony’s taste. Tony let his hands roam all over Gibbs’ body, softly caressing the strong back and smooth sides, returning to the hairy chest again and then moving all over once more. Then Gibbs at last released his lips to nibble along Tony’s jaw to his throat, licking the pulsing vein in Tony’s neck before latching his lips over it and sucking hard, clearly intending to leave his mark. Tony moaned in pleasure and squirmed against Gibbs, disappointed when Gibbs stopped and raised himself onto his elbows, looking down at Tony.  
   
“What’s going on here, Tony?”  
   
Tony looked at him steadily.  
   
“Nothing.”  
   
“Don’t lie to me, boy.”  
   
“Am I not allowed to kiss you?”  
   
“You never wanted to before.”  
   
“Wrong.”  
   
“What?”  
   
“Just because I never did it, doesn’t mean I never wanted to.”  
   
“Then why didn’t you?”  
   
“Because before it was only about what you needed, and you didn’t need kisses.”  
   
“Before?”  
   
“That’s right. That part is over, Gibbs. It won’t happen like that again.”  
   
Gibbs looked at him questioningly, and Tony continued.  
   
“Now it has to become about what I need too. And I do need kisses, and affection, and actual feelings to be involved. I can’t just fuck and leave anymore. I want and deserve someone who loves me back.”  
   
Tony rolled them over again and gave another soft kiss to Gibbs’ lips, then got up and went to the bathroom for a shower, leaving Gibbs alone in bed staring after him.  
   
~~~~~  
   
Gibbs’ mind was racing as Tony disappeared into the bathroom. Of course Tony deserved someone who loved him, but could Gibbs be that someone? They were friends, they had occasional fabulous sex, but love? Gibbs’ heart had been closed to that for a long time. He could feel affection, which was what he’d felt for his ex-wives and other lovers, and would even admit to feeling that for Tony, but love? That was reserved for his girls, and he just couldn’t see himself opening up to that again with all the pain that inevitably came with it. Rubbing his hands over his face, Gibbs sighed deeply, then got up and went downstairs to start a pot of coffee. When the coffee was done he poured himself a mug, and sat at the table lost in thought, sipping at the beverage. That was how Tony found him after he had showered and dressed.  
   
Tony was disappointed but not surprised when he came out of the bathroom to find Gibbs was gone. Dressing quickly, he made his way downstairs to the smell of coffee. Pouring himself some, he leaned against the counter and studied Gibbs. The older man hadn’t even noticed him come into the room, he was so lost in thought. When his mug was empty, Tony put it down and walked over to Gibbs, brushing a hand through the silver hair. The touch startled Gibbs out of it, and his eyes found Tony’s.  
   
“You okay, Gibbs?”  
   
“I…”  
   
Nothing further came out, and Gibbs shrugged a little helplessly. Tony nodded in understanding, then leaned down and gave Gibbs another soft kiss.  
   
“I know. I’ll give you some time to think about it.”  
   
Tony left a befuddled Gibbs sitting at his kitchen table, and went home.  
   
~~~~~  
   
Gibbs poured himself more coffee and moved to the couch, staring into the distance. After a while, not getting anywhere with his thoughts, he forced himself to get up and get dressed, and do his usual Saturday chores, but his mind kept returning to that one question. Could he love Tony? He didn’t want to lose Tony, didn’t want what was between them to end, in fact, he had wanted it more often and had had to stop himself from asking Tony for it more and more. Gibbs thought about it while he cleaned the house, while he did his shopping, while he worked in the basement. His weekend was over before he knew it, and he was no closer to having an answer. In frustration, he threw his half-empty glass of bourbon against the basement wall, watching it shatter into a hundred pieces. It didn’t make him feel any better.  
   
~~~~~  
   
On Monday morning Tony arrived at the office early, anxious to see how Gibbs was doing. Tony had spent his weekend switching moods from quietly hopeful to distressingly worried about Gibbs’ reaction. He knew he had given the older man quite a lot to think about, and also knew that he could lose everything he wanted depending on Gibbs’ decision, but he just hadn’t been able to continue like this. He had to know, had the right to be loved. He could only hope that Gibbs could feel that way about him too. He knew better than to expect an answer from Gibbs right away, but hoped that he could read at least something from Gibbs’ face when he saw him.  
   
He didn’t. Gibbs wasn’t there when he arrived, and it wasn’t until nearly two hours later that Gibbs descended the stairs from MTAC, phone glued to his ear, grabbing his things and barking at the three of them to gear up. McGee and Bishop quickly followed Gibbs to the elevator, but Tony had stood staring at Gibbs for a few moments first, trying to find any hint in his expression, and now got a growl to hurry up. The only thing Tony saw in Gibbs was annoyance. As he passed Gibbs to get into the elevator, the head slap hit with its usual ferocity. Tony sighed.  
   
As days turned into weeks and nothing was forthcoming from Gibbs, Tony began to really worry. He couldn’t stop himself from glancing over at Gibbs every now and then, and Gibbs saw his expression change from hopeful to questioning to forlorn. It made Gibbs feel guilty, but he couldn’t do anything about it. He still didn’t have an answer for Tony.  
   
During the day, Gibbs focused on the job, forcing himself to keep this thoughts away from the Tony question. But in the evenings and weekends, it was all he could think about. To keep himself busy, he had started doing odd jobs around the house, fixing things, clearing out the attic. Several weeks into this pattern, he even bought paint and brightened the walls with it, liking how the lighter color made the house feel warmer. When he got to the guestroom and the boxes with his girls’ things that he was storing there, he had to swallow hard a few times, but eventually managed to bring himself to go through them, getting rid of most of it, yellowed and almost perished with age.  
   
When all the rooms were done, he turned his attention to the furniture, just trying to keep his hands busy while his thoughts were spinning around Tony. He discarded some of the old stuff, building new shelves and cabinets himself. He bought new bedding and curtains for the bedroom, built a new, larger chest of drawers. In the kitchen he sanded and refinished the countertops, and finally installed the dishwasher that had been gathering dust in the shed for years, something he’d bought for his last wife but never installed because the divorce came through before he’d gotten round to it. Finally one day, he looked around for something else to do, to fix, to build, but couldn’t find anything. The house was done. He hoped Tony would like it. Gibbs blinked as the thought registered, and deliberately repeated it to see how it made him feel.  
   
He hoped Tony would like it.  
   
Gibbs had his answer.  
   
~~~~~  
   
That Friday afternoon, the sun was shining and the temperature rising, shaping into the start of a beautiful spring weekend. The team were working cold cases, and Gibbs decided to let them go early to enjoy the weather. But he called out to Tony before the younger man could leave.  
   
“DiNozzo.”  
   
“Yeah, Boss?”  
   
“Wait up a moment.”  
   
Gibbs grabbed his things and joined Tony in the elevator. Tony eyed the emergency switch, expecting Gibbs’ hand to move to it any moment, but it didn’t happen. Gibbs let the elevator take them down to the garage, walked with Tony to his car, and then spoke again.  
   
“You haven’t been over at my place for a while.”  
   
Tony looked a little uncomfortable, and cleared his throat before he softly answered.  
   
“You know why.”  
   
“I remember what you said. But does that mean we can’t watch a game together anymore either? Or share dinner?”  
   
After a moment’s hesitation, Tony replied.  
   
“I guess we could still do that.”  
   
“Do you want to come over tonight?”  
   
Tony brushed a hand through his hair, looked away and sighed.  
   
“Gibbs, I…”  
   
“Please, Anthony.”  
   
That made Tony look at Gibbs again, searching his face. But still he couldn’t tell what it was he saw there. Slowly he nodded.  
   
“Okay. Give me an hour to go home and change, then I’ll be there.”  
   
“Good. See you then.”  
   
~~~~~  
   
Tony tried to maintain his calm while he drove home, showered and dressed in light jeans and a t-shirt, but it was difficult. He had deliberately stayed away from Gibbs’ house, at first because he didn’t want to pressure Gibbs, then because he was afraid it would hurt too much to be there and know that he would never get to make love to Gibbs again, but these last few weeks because he feared he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from begging Gibbs to forget everything Tony had said that day and let him in again. But Gibbs had said please and called him Anthony, two things Gibbs rarely did, and Tony hadn’t been able to say no. He figured he would go over, have a bite to eat, and then make an excuse and leave as soon as he decently could before he broke down. Nodding to himself at that decision, he pulled into the driveway, climbed the few steps, and opened the door.  
   
He froze.  
   
He must be in the wrong house. He turned around and looked outside. No, that was Gibbs’ Challenger in the driveway next to Tony’s car, so this must be the right house. He turned back.  
   
It was different, very different. Lighter and warmer, and those were new cabinets and new shelves. He softly closed the door behind him and slowly moved around, taking in all the changes in the living room and kitchen, and after only a short hesitation, his curiosity won out and he jogged up the stairs. Upstairs was different too. Fresh paint, new lamp. He opened the door to the guestroom to find it empty of the boxes that had been stored there for years and actually fit for use as a guestroom again. Another hesitation almost stopped him from checking the master bedroom, afraid it might hurt too much, but he forced himself to look anyway. Here again was fresh paint, new cabinets, new curtains, new bedding, and the bathroom had been spruced up too. Tony wondered how Gibbs had possibly been able to do all this in the sparse free time he had. After one last look around, Tony went back downstairs, and found Gibbs waiting for him there.  
   
“Took a good look around?”  
   
“Sorry…”  
   
“It’s fine. What do you think? Do you like it?”  
   
The look on Gibbs’ face as he waited for Tony’s answer was… anxious, Tony could find no other word to describe it.  
   
“I do like it. The new furniture is beautiful, and the rooms feel different. It feels warm. Like home.”  
   
As soon as Tony voiced his approval, the anxiety on Gibbs’ face vanished, and when Tony said it felt like home, a soft smile appeared on Gibbs’ lips before he spoke.  
   
“Good. That’s good. Very good.”  
   
Smiling a little uncertainly at Gibbs’ odd behavior, Tony looked around again, only now noticing some empty spaces around the room. He turned back to Gibbs.  
   
“Is it not done yet?”  
   
“It is for my part.”  
   
“But what about there? Shouldn’t there be a painting or something in that empty space between those shelves?”  
   
“I was thinking more of a TV.”  
   
“Oh, yeah, that would be a good spot for it.”  
   
Turning a little again, Tony gestured to an empty corner near the window.  
   
“And there? Room for another cabinet or bookcase?”  
   
“My idea was that it would be a good space for a piano.”  
   
Tony blinked. Gibbs was getting a piano? Why? He didn’t play as far as Tony knew. Gibbs gestured to the new but still largely empty shelves.  
   
“I tried to make sure there’s plenty of room for DVDs and stuff, but if more is needed, I can add shelves. Or if you want something different, just let me know. And maybe think about what kind of couch you want? Mine is getting old and lumpy.”  
   
Again Tony blinked. There was no misunderstanding what Gibbs was saying, and his heart started pounding rapidly with hope and joy. Tony looked at Gibbs almost shyly.  
   
“You did this for me?”  
   
Gibbs held Tony’s gaze steadily, showing the truth of his words in his eyes.  
   
“Yes and no. It started out as something to do while I was thinking about what you said, but when I was nearly done and saw the result, I realized that my subconscious had been giving me the answer all along. I had to work through it to get there though.”  
   
Amazed and a little overwhelmed, Tony reached up his hand and softly brushed his fingers over Gibbs’ cheek, not sure what to say. Gibbs smiled at him, a gentle little smile, then pulled Tony closer and softly kissed his lips. When he pulled back, he saw the dazed look in Tony’s eyes, then nudged him to the couch.  
   
“Sit, Tony. Beer?”  
   
Gibbs didn’t even wait for an answer, just strode to the kitchen to get the offered beverage. Tony settled on the couch, glancing around again at all the changes, trying to let the implications sink in. When Gibbs returned and handed him the beer, he took a long pull from the bottle, then turned to Gibbs who had sat down next to him.  
   
“You don’t expect me to move in here right away, do you?”  
   
“No. But I wanted you to know that I am ready for that whenever you are, that there is a place for you here.”  
   
“That’s… that’s… I wasn’t expecting this.”  
   
Gibbs nodded in understanding and they sat in silence for a few moments, sipping their drinks. Then Gibbs reached out and took Tony’s hand, playing with his fingers. He took a deep breath. He needed to say this, but it wasn’t easy for him, and he wanted the reassurance of Tony’s touch while he spoke. He talked softly and haltingly, lots of pauses in between his words, and kept his eyes on their entangled fingers the entire time.  
   
“What you said that day… I knew you were right of course, but it felt like too much. You were asking for my love, and I hadn’t loved anyone like that since my girls. I didn’t think I could. When I started making these changes to the house, I thought it was just to keep busy, but the day I started going through my girls’ things, I realized something. I had been holding on to them for so long because I loved them so much, but I was also using them as an excuse. I couldn’t face the pain of losing someone I love again, so I simply didn’t let anyone get close enough, didn’t let anyone in. But then… I was losing you anyway, and it hurt so damn much that at first I couldn’t understand it, until I finally saw… you were already in my heart, had gotten in there without me knowing it. I seem to have no defense against you. I hate that I hurt you, but I hope you believe me when I say that after all this, when I say I love you, I really do.”  
   
He brought their entangled fingers to his lips and softly kissed Tony’s digits, then at last he raised his eyes to Tony’s again.  
   
“I love you, Anthony.”

~~~~~  
   
It was an evening Tony would never forget. The quiet admissions by Gibbs, the soft kisses they exchanged, and yet, they did not go up to the bedroom. They spent the entire evening on the couch, touching and kissing, but didn’t go any further than that. It seemed like Gibbs was trying to prove something, and Tony understood its significance. It was meaningful and tender, and Tony loved every minute of it. It nearly broke his heart to leave, but they both knew that this was the start of something new, and it had to be this way. Of course, the following day, things were much different.  
   
~~~~~  
   
Tony had barely slept, thoughts of the previous evening keeping his mind whirring, and it was still the dawn of Saturday morning when he returned to Gibbs’ house, having left there only a few hours before. Walking through the as always unlocked front door, he instantly spotted Gibbs on the couch, hands tucked behind his head, not sleeping, just staring up at the ceiling. Gibbs turned to him and smiled when Tony walked in, his voice soft.  
   
“Hey Tony.”  
   
“Jethro.”  
   
“You ready?”  
   
“Yeah.”  
   
Gibbs threw off the blanket that covered him and got up, closing the distance between them in a couple of strides. Just like the few words that they had exchanged were a reversal of the way things usually went, everything was different now. Instead of a quiet trip upstairs, they started talking, Gibbs starting off.  
   
“I missed you.”  
   
“I’ve only been gone a few hours.”  
   
“I still missed you.”  
   
“I know, me too.”  
   
“I want you.”  
   
“Me too.”  
   
“I can’t wait to be inside of you.”  
   
“I need to feel you inside of me, Jethro.”  
   
“Will you let me love you, Anthony?”  
   
That question made Tony shiver in anticipation and want, and he kissed Gibbs deeply, letting his lover feel his emotions in that touch. This time, they didn’t just walk up the stairs, they stopped on every single step to kiss and caress each other, tearing at each other’s clothes. When at last they reached the bedroom, they didn’t just lube up and get to it, but spent a very long time exploring each other in between passionate kisses. This time, it wasn’t Gibbs on his hands and knees and Tony taking him hard and fast, but Tony on his back, arms and legs wrapped around Gibbs, eyes locked on each other and sharing kisses while Gibbs slowly drove Tony insane. This time, and every time since then, it was making love.  
   
   
 


End file.
